It's not lost on me that Unschooling is probably something most people haven't heard of. And if they have, it's such a mind blowing concept that a number of questions inevitably arise. So let's take a look and see if I can answer some of them for you!
1. How do your socialize your kids?
This is by far the most common question I get and probably the biggest concern people have about unschooling and homeschooling in general. So let’s break this down. First, this question assumes that school is the best and only place for kids to socialize. As a former educator for several years, I can tell you most passionately that nothing could be further from the truth. If kids are permitted to socialize at all, it’s completely artificial. It’s curated with a set group of other students of their same age, with strict timelines and regulations about how they can socialize. From assigned seating, to forcing kids to stay on task and talk only about the relevant material, there is hardly any time at all to learn real life social skills apart from the short allotted recess time. Second, and this is where it’s incredibly varied, socialization can happen outside of school however you want it to. I get that most people picture sheltered, lonely homeschool kids stuck at home sitting at a table and doing their schoolwork with their mom. While they may be the case, it’s an archaic and narrow minded perspective of what homeschool can look like. If you participate in the community, interact with your neighbors, travel, involve your kids in your daily life, have extended family, have friends with kids, set up playdates, enrol in classes, volunteer, expose your kids to the world…they will socialize. And they’ll do so with people of all ages, all backgrounds and cultures, all walks of life, in a variety of real life scenarios. They’ll learn how to navigate the real world just fine. The last thing i’ll say about this is that extroverts will extroverts and introverts will be introverts, no matter what you do. And leaning into your child’s unique personality and allowing them to be authentically themselves gives them a much greater likelihood of authentic social skills than anything else.
2. How do you know what to teach your kids? How do you measure their progress? How will they learn without a curriculum?
This is where unschoolers and homeschoolers differ. Traditional homeschoolers tend to replicate school or a similar version of it at home. They tend to use linear curriculum, routines and schedules, lesson plans and assessments, etc. The premise of Unschooling relies on self-directed education. This means we trust that our children are wired to learn and should be in charge of their individual education path. We can use curriculum, schedules or lesson plans, but this is a consensual and cooperative method between the parent and the child. We guide, support, expose, but never force or coerce. Unschoolers see life and learning as inseparable. The world is our classroom. Nature, books, neighbors, life experience, documentaries, experiments…these are our teachers. We nurture our kids’ innate sense of curiosity and build a passion for life-long learning by not forcing it, curating it or limiting it. Because nothing magic happens at the age of 5, in September, or at 9am. Learning happens everywhere and it happens all the time. We just have to sit back and redefine what it looks like.
3. How will your kids get into University?
Which inevitably leads to this question about University. There are several parts to my answer here. First, it is not everyone’s goal to attend University, not a guarantee of success, and we all define success differently. Second, Unschoolers get into University all the time and there are plenty of resources, studies and documentation out there about this. In fact, there’s an upward trend showing favour toward Unschoolers for a number of reasons, such as a deep understanding of intrinsic motivation and self-discipline, having a vast resume of varied real life experiences, and more. Lastly, everyone’s path to University can look different. My kids will still need to complete the required transcript and testing requirements, just like everyone else. They’ll have to learn the same material necessary to meet the particular University’s requirements as everyone else. It will just happen in different ways, like online or through tutors or even at a brick and mortal public school, if they so choose. The difference is, they will have spent an entire childhood already exploring their passions, already following their own interests and curiosities, learning how to learn and knowing so much about themselves. They will have spent years learning independently, in ways that suited them best, without coercion and being stuck in a classroom. The world will be much more open to them, far beyond thinking University is the one and only path to success and happiness.
4. How will your kids learn the basics? What if they have gaps in their knowledge?
What I believe most people want to know with this question is “How will they learn math and science and how to read and write?” Let’s break this down. First, learning happens everywhere, all day long. From the time our child opened their eyes, they’ve been learning, experimenting and learning some more. They’re literally built to want to explore the world around them. Have you spent any time around kids? All they do is ask questions and test things. We’ve just been convinced that this all stops at the age of 5. From physics on the playground, to chemistry in baking, to language from reading passing road signs, from social skills in dramatic play…they are, in fact, learning. Traditional schooling, however, teaches kids to stop asking questions. They treat them like empty buckets needing to be filled and stifle the natural curiosity and creativity they were born with. Second, Unschoolers recognize and understand that the natural type of lifelong learning we embrace is more meaningful, purposeful and enjoyable than traditional school methods. When humans learn because they want to, in ways that make sense to them, and to accomplish their own desires and not someone else’s, that sticks with us in ways forced learning never will. This means, although there will be learning gaps (just like there are in traditional education), our kids will know how to learn, they won't resent learning, and they will have spent an entire childhood learning in healthy ways that will follow them forever. Lastly, my kids will learn that math and science don’t sit atop the learning pedestal. Talk about knowledge gaps. What about all of the endless areas that schools don't teach? My kids will learn music, art, philosophy, trades, home management, and hundreds of other areas of learning, understand that they are not only valuable, but may mean more to them and their futures than math and science ever will.
5. How will your kids get a job?
Which leads me to this question. So let’s examine. First, we will have spent their entire childhood unpacking the capitalist notion that humans simply exist to work, that our self worth is based on our productivity and salary. So we will have a completely different perspective about work and careers than most. My kids will have spent their childhood discovering their unique personalities, following their passions and having parents model healthy work life balances. They will have seen us show them how to earn an income in diverse, flexible, healthy and fulfilling ways. Work isn't paying our dues at soulless jobs we hate until we retire, where then we can finally rest and be happy. Second, they will have a world of opportunity open to them, as we won't insist that University is the only path. They will be exposed to trades, volunteering, entrepreneurship and anything else they're interested in. They will have been involved in their community, making connections and seeing all the different ways in which people can earn an income. They will have access to a highschool transcript, just like all other homeschoolers, and will have been taught useful life skills during the 18,000 that would otherwise have been spent stuck in a classroom.
6. Aren’t you worried about your kids missing out?
I know that for many people, school was a wonderful experience. They loved graduations, field trips, sports teams, clubs, making friends with classmates and everything that they remember forming their school experience, and they want their kids to have those same experiences. So are homeschool kids missing out? Let’s explore that. First, they can absolutely be a part of school teams, clubs and everything else. Public schools receive funding for your kids and have to allow participation. However, our kids can still join extracurriculars outside of school hours with other kids, and there are often dedicated homeschool classes and activities in many communities. There are an infinite number of ways to participate in the community, build relationships, have meaningful life experiences outside of school. Most unschoolers would argue this is even more likely outside of school. The last thing I’ll say about this is that I’m happy to have my kids miss out on the cost of attending school. The morning rushes, being stuck in a classroom, the threats, punishments, rewards, evening dread, bullying, shooting drills, bullying, report cards, and everything else that comes with traditional education. So yes, they might be missing out in some ways and not in others, and I’m completely okay with that.
7. What if your child falls behind or struggles with learning? What if they just don’t want to learn or gets lazy?
Phew! These questions essentially get to the same point. What if my kids don't adhere to the traditional way of doing things? Let me answer it like this. Our kids don't belong on a conveyor belt. We need to remember that we've been programmed to operate in a limited way of looking at things. That everyone needs to learn, work, live and behave in the same way, with the same milestones, follow the same path and be like everyone else. We forget that kids were born to want to learn. They weren't born to want to sit at a desk, do worksheets, sit still and listen to the teacher. They weren't born to want to simply obey orders. Every system we have in place, every societal norm, was put in place to control kids and keep them from doing what's entirely developmentally appropriate. Kids are agents of chaos according to Neil deGrasse Tyson. They are born willing and excited to learn, grow, experiment, explore, take risks, observe, test and more. What we've done is forgotten that's what learning looks like and decided that traditional classroom behaviours, rules and assessments is actually learning. There is no such thing as behind. Kids are exactly where they need to be and, if we let them, guide them, and support them, are perfectly capable of leading their own life path.
8. Aren't you overwhelmed? Do you need a teaching degree? How do you stay so organized?
Again, these types of questions all lead to the same place. They assume that I'm taking on the sole responsibility of educating my children, on top of being their parent, and that I must have special qualifications and superhuman powers. Unschoolers do not take on that completely unsustainable and unrealistic burden. They recognize that there are endless teachers out there in the world as I mentioned above. They recognize that they don't need to replicate school at home. They recognize that the real work is actually the inner healing and self reflection to be done on themselves. They realize that they need to let go of control and allow far more trust and freedom to exist than most people give to their kids. Now, I'm no perfect parent and I get overwhelmed. I just don't get overwhelmed because of trying to replicate school at home. That's one massive burden that I've gladly not taken upon myself. I'd much rather spend my parenthood allowing them to have a safe, regulated and authentically childhood where they can live, play and learn in healthy and fulfilling ways.
9. How do you deal with a partner, family or friends who don't agree with unschooling?
To be honest, the same way I deal with people who don't understand why I teach my kids about sex, trans rights and capitalism. I don't give a flying fuck. Because first of all, they are my kids and I'm parenting them. Of course I'm open-minded and educate myself and consider opinions from worthwhile sources. I'm flexible and have pivoted on numerous occasions. But also, and more importantly, I spend a lot of time figuring out what works for our family, our values and our priorities. Why would I shift my life to be more capitalist, more consumerist, more stressful, more conforming? We have shifted our lives to get away from conformity and oppression, and we're moving toward more community, liberation and authenticity. Do I care if people don't agree with that? If I find school toxic, dysfunctional and abusive (and I do), and would never allow my kids to be in that environment, why would I listen to people who want them in that environment? It should bother me more that they do want my kids to grow up in that atmosphere. Other people's discomfort is not my burden to bear. My responsibility is to myself and my kids and our collective well-being. This means being fiercely passionate about how we can live our best lives and how we can make the world a better place. I've just found a way to do this that looks different than most and that shouldn't bother anyone.
10. What will you do if it doesn’t work?
It's ironic that no one asks this question about school, since school is the experiment. Especially since we have mountains of evidence point us to school not working. It works for how it was designed, but it doesn't work for healthy human development and success. So what if unschooling doesn't work, then? What does that mean? How do you know if it worked? If my kids gets into University? If they get a job? What kind of job? Do they have to make a certain salary? I believe I answered those above. But I want to point out that no one is looking at if a person is happy as a sign that something worked. Are they emotionally healthy? Are they ethical and working to make the world a better place? Are they fulfilled? Did they grow up secure, loved and cared for? Do they have a strong sense of who they are? Do they know how to set boundaries? These are my indicators that something "worked". Not some archaic, capitalist standards to produce factory workers that exploit us all for every ounce of productivity they can squeeze out of us.
Well, there you go! A glimpse into the Unschooling world and some of the questions we get on a daily basis. As you can see, this lifestyle really is about unpacking common beliefs and really delving into the why behind everything. Reexamining our lives and the prescribed ways of doing things, and redefining things for ourselves.
All my best,
Adrienne xx